The acceptance finally dawned and with it the fact that I can`t live the rest of my life in the past, my old life with Cliff has gone forever as has he and no amount of tears are ever going to change a thing because there is nothing more final than death. The finality, the never ever, the letting go and the intense loneliness without him were the things which were the hardest to accept. I didn`t want to be here anymore, didn`t want to live without him but even that escape was impossible because I could never do that to the kids. So for the last year and a bit I`ve ran round and round in circles getting nowhere untill at last I felt able to say the thing that I`d never been able to before as I didn`t want to let go, I said "goodbye".
So now a new chapter begins, I`ve beautiful memories but now need and feel ready to start making new ones with the person who wants to share my future with me.
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