When Cliff first died I was haunted with images of him looking ill and thin, not what he really looked like, not how he`d want me to remember him, not what I wanted to remember. So I looked out some photos which I had slightly enlarged, the one at the start of this blog was one, Cliff happy in his shed and another in his favourite scruffy shorts (threadbare they`re one of my prized possessions). I don`t usually frame photos but did and put them by the bed (and yes, I still say "night night"").
It`s taken all this time but at last I can`t picture him looking ill, now I see my big hunky husband again with that devilishly naughty twinkle in his eye. "Result!!!".
My heads still all over the place, emotions still up and down but I appear to be making some very small steps in the right direction.
Strange I can write all this down but not talk to anyone in depth, think it`s because I start crying and I hate crying infront of anyone, Cliffy was the only person I could ever really share things like that with. I phone Mum regularly (but she`s her own health problems to deal with) but the rest of my family aren`t close, very occasional phone calls and cards at Christmas.
Glad you found a way to remember Cliff on your terms Sue...always better to have good memories like that.
ReplyDeleteI`m trying to think more of the fun times, still hurts cos they`re gone for good but sometimes manage a smile when I think of the daft antics we enjoyed.
ReplyDeleteThe hurts gonna be there for a while, but the good times can outweight that....you mentiond that Cliff would be riding along with his head bobbing and you knew he was singing...that and others you'll always have to remember and treasure
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