Dreams

Daydreaming used to be nice, now it`s not. My reality now sometimes seems unreal like it wasn`t meant to be like this at all. Then there`s the moment when I get stuck to the spot when I think to myself that if I blink really hard that I`ll hear Wobbles indicators bleeping as he comes in the drive then the front door will open and Cliffy will be home for tea. I know, DREAM ON (I`m not quite that mad yet!).

It occurred to me that I`m having to fill every minute with stuff, things to keep me busy to take my mind off this unreal world I feel I`m now in but they`re just distractions, I`m wondering if like the drugs I refused from the doctor they`re just covering the cracks not mending them because when I run out of stuff to do I feel just as bad inside.

I feel like I`m just existing, going through the motions, attempting to fill time, I don`t want to grow old on my own turning into a lonely sad old f**k, we were going to grow old disgracefully together (there were plans of mobility scooter races up our street!). I want my Cliffy back, I want to talk and laugh with him, I want to hold his hand, I want a huge squeezy cuddle, as I said, dream on!!!

Yes, I run out of things to do last night hence too much thinking, to try and cheer myself up me and Wobble had a singsong and dance round the shed to my fav Doors tracks.