I`ve done some very daft things in my life but this takes the biscuit, I`m now going to open myself to ridicule especially from myself. I mentioned madness in an earlier post and this was something I ventured into at my lowest point last year, a point when I`d grasp at any straws going.
I was reading the local paper and saw an article about a psychic medium a subject I`d often scorned but what caught my eye was her statement that she`d never profit in any way from her gift. So having nothing better to do and nothing to loose I went to one of her monthly psychic supers. (in a local cafe the price of the "supper" seemed a bit steep for all I ate). Infact I went several times and even had a reading, things were said, hope was given BUT.
It became very clear that every widow (I hate that term, makes me think of withered old Sicilian women with headscarves and aprons) talks to their husband and rushes about making changes to their homes and/or gardens. So what couldn`t be guessed was commonplace among bereaved. Then a few things that I checked out later were totally wrong.
This wasn`t helping me at all, I wanted to KNOW, I wanted to have the proper goodbye we were robbed of to be sure he knew all I was saying to him. I suppose I wanted some kind of hope. None of it was however something only we would have known. The whole thing was actually making me feel worse.
The latest article in the paper was announcing her new psychic "business" and I felt all the more silly.
I realise now that he knew all along how I feel (I didn`t wait until he died to tell him, I told him all the time) and he`s still around, probably laughing at me for being a plonker.
You were looking for an answer and you found one despite, not because of, the "medium"; I don't see how this makes you a daft old bat....you've learned from it (if only that this sort of thing is not for you!) and it sounds like your experience has just backed up what you already felt about the "psychic" thing.
ReplyDeleteI`d always suspected that the psychic thing was all about money Simon and in this case turned out to be true. I felt silly because I felt that I should have known better but what she was offering seemed so tempting.
ReplyDeleteOh dear I have become a bit of a daft old bat, I always tended to mutter away to myself while doing things but now I can have full blown conversations. Think it`s because I miss having someone really close to have proper talks with, more than just superficial stuff.
I suppose some people can draw comfort from the psychic/medium thing, just as some get comfort from religion.
ReplyDeleteNo point beating yourself up about it; we've all done things we later regretted.....and most of us are our own worst critics!
You've got a lot of guts posting this up Sue.
Personally I think loved ones live on in our memories......remember the good times and I reckon it'll do you more good than any amount of counselling or whatever.