Monday 21 March 2011

It was meant to be me

After Cliffs heart operation he was fighting fit, no more angina pains, it was me who`d been affected by cancer, I was the reason we`d looked at the Greenhaven Burial Ground, I was the reason we wrote our wills a couple of years ago when we thought it may have come back.

It had all started late 2000, I woke up one morning with a severe hot burning pain and blood. Straight to the doctor who said it was probably a cyst. I went to the clinic for a biopsy and was told that day they`d found abnormal cells. I felt numb, more worried for the people I may have to leave behind than for me. More biopsys, not a long needle this time but more like an apple corer for the dozen or so samples, felt like I was being punched every time he pressed the button. 

Then the operation, how much they took depended on what they found. I woke and peeked under the covers phew still two, breast cancer is very scary. The surgeon came round and said they`d removed the golfball sized tumour but cells had spread from it but not to the lymph nodes they`d removed from under my arm and that radiotherapy should kill those remainning.

They said treatment may burn, hmm I looked and felt like I`d been scalded. Then all was fine untill a couple of years ago when the pain started again but after more tests and biopsys they told me the treatment and op were the cause.

Cliff was so very brave, it was me who wasn`t, I felt so useless, I wanted to help him but couldn`t do a thing to change the outcome, I wanted to swop places, I wanted it to be me not him.

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